There is a plethora of self-help books, articles, websites and the like out there, and many perpetuate the myth that it takes 21 or possibly 30 or possibly some other random number of days to embed a new habit or behaviour. The truth about embedding change is somewhat different.
In 1960 Dr Maxwell Maltz published “Psycho-Cybernetics” in which he shared his views on behaviour change. This included his observation that change took a minimum of 21 days to embed. This was not a random number, but a number based on his observations of how long his patients took to adjust to surgical changes to their bodies as well as his own observations of how long it took him to change behaviour.
With the passing of time, the minimum of 21 days became 21 days or 30 days or another number of days. The reality is we are all different. Some changes can and do happen instantly. Some happen more quickly, whereas others can take time. The important first step is wanting to change and then knowing what that change is. If you can do that for yourself, do it. You also know that you can seek help because it’s all about becoming the very best version of you, isn’t it?
I’ve read a number of articles in recent times about how companies spend time and money to rebrand and repackage, driven by a changing consumer market, a desire to be more environmentally friendly, and a need to adapt to survive. And it is fascinating how creative and resourceful companies can be when the pressure is on.
We’ve seen much the same during this coronavirus-affected times, which has affected our personal, professional, family, and social lives in so many ways and on so many levels. Some of us have adapted and developed, reinventing ourselves in ways we would previously not have imagined. Some of us have struggled, unable to see beyond what used to be and what is no longer now.
Ultimately, it’s up to each of us to make our own decisions. We are in control. We know what we want and what we can do. We can take the first step. We know we can rebrand. We know we can repackage. We know we can reinvent. And we know when it’s the right time to take the first step, don’t we?
I read a lot about happiness, what it means, and what we can do to be happier. One of the recurring themes is the importance of planning and setting goals. Plans and goals for everything from the everyday to the life-changing. Not only does having plans and goals make us happier, it can reduce anxiety and stress, and make us more resilient.
Some will argue that we can plan too much, be too focussed on the future, too obsessed by achieving, and that by setting plans and goals we lose our sense of spontaneity. And I would agree if having plans and goals becomes the plan and the goal. By knowing what we want and when we want it, we know the direction to take as well as giving purpose to what we are doing now. It also means that when now becomes chaotic and disorganised, somewhat out of our control, we can remember what we want from now as it takes us one step closer to fulfilling what we set out to do.
So when you’re feeling a little lost, anxious, unhappy, stressed, take a moment to think about your next step and the one after that and one more for good measure. Know what you want for now, for this year, for this decade, for this lifetime. Notice as you focus on the plans and goals, how you are in control, feeling stronger, resilient, happy, calm, relaxed. And suddenly, you are on your way, aren’t you?
As I write this, the second Covid-19 vaccine is being rolled out. It is being hailed as a milestone in our collective efforts to control the virus and another step in our endeavours to return to some semblance of normality, whatever that means for each of us.
I have read and heard a lot about how vaccines are usually developed, the timescales involved, and how the vaccines for Covid-19 have been created in record time. And not, it would seem, because corners have been cut or unnecessary risks taken. It appears that the difference is one of commitment. Commitment to overcome barriers and obstacles. Commitment of time, energy, expertise, and money. Commitment to achieving the goal.
It’s amazing what we can all do when we commit and focus on succeeding. It’s amazing what we can achieve when we find ways to overcome the barriers and obstacles. It’s amazing how quickly we can reach our goals when we dedicate the right amount of time and energy. And the most amazing part of it all is that deep down, we know this already, don’t we?
Anxiety can range from a sense of mild apprehension to an overwhelming feeling of paralysis, stopping you from doing anything at all. It is all very well in these situations to tell yourself to keep calm and do whatever you have to do, so easily said and yet so difficult to actually implement.
Two articles, “10 Ways to Cope With Anxiety” by Robert L. Leahy, and “Surprising ways to beat anxiety and become mentally strong – according to science” by Olivia Remes, both provide some excellent ideas on how to overcome anxiety and get on with, well, just about anything and everything.
NLP provides some excellent tools to help people overcome anxiety. Time Line Therapy™ techniques work by establishing the root cause, taking positive learnings from that first experience, and then applying the learnings to all subsequent negative experiences. Anchoring can be applied in various ways, from embedding positive emotions to replacing negative, unwanted emotions with positive, forward-looking ones. And, of course, coaching can help you set the goals to take you from your current anxious state to one where you are in control and achieving your goals. You know that you can do this, don’t you?
The idea of perfectionism is fairly easy to understand; striving to do everything in a way which is perfect, flawless, without error. And I’m sure we all know people who are perfectionists, for whom second-best simply will not do. It all seems harmless enough and, is there anything wrong with wanting everything to be just right? Research published in 2017, carried out by Thomas Curren and Andrew P. Hill, shows that from 1989 to 2016 there was a significant increase in self-orientated, socially prescribed and other-orientated perfectionism. In other words, we are demanding more of ourselves, peer pressure demands more of us, and factors external to us are also expecting more. Again, is there anything wrong with wanting ever better?
The answer, it would seem, is that there is a lot wrong with this perpetually increasing push for perfection. There is a year-on-year increase in the number of people experiencing and reporting negative mental health issues, something which appears to be disproportionately affecting young people, although the rest of us are far from immune. Advertising, the media, social media; all seem to be promoting an increasingly glossy view of the world to which many of use simply cannot aspire. This surely has to take its toll, which the work of Curren and Hill confirms.
It is time to stop. Time to reflect. Time to work out who we really want to be. And all we really need to ask, no, demand, is for each of us to be the very best version of ourselves. Nothing more and nothing less. I know I can do that. And you know that you can too, don’t you?
In May 2018 the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development reported a further increase in the number of people going to work when unwell. It also noted a similar increase in the number of people using annual leave to work. This is a far cry from John Maynard Keynes’ view that we would all be working a 15-hour week by 2030. Where did that seemingly utopian dream go?
If indeed we are all working more, I am left wondering what we are sacrificing. Family? Friends? Hobbies? Our health? And for what reasons? There is a growing body of evidence that working less, rather than more, makes us more productive, healthier and, as a result, happier.
Stop and take stock. Do you really need to work all of those hours? And ask yourself what you are not doing by doing so much work. Is this what you really want for yourself and those around you? You already know the answer, don’t you?
Ben Grant is an author and responsible for the Daily Overview, an Instagram account which started by showing aerial photographs of different places around the planet. The pictures are stunning on so many levels, and above all else because of the perspective from which the pictures are taken, shedding new light on, and new understanding of, our world.
And perspective can play such an important role in each of our lives. It is easy to get caught up in our own models of the world, dividing life and experiences up into good, bad and indifferent, and a whole other range of terms and classifications. And, how often do we take the time to consider how that world looks through the eyes of another? What are we missing by only considering our own perspective? What might we want to do differently if we could take ourselves out of our own shoes and stand in someone else’s?
Just for a moment, then, take a step back. Think about a decision you recently made. Review that decision and ask yourself what others would have made of it. Put yourself in their shoes. Be bold. Challenge the decision from the perspectives of your best friend and your worst enemy. From your favourite superhero and your lifelong hero. From yourself ten years ago and ten years from now. What would you do the same? And what would you do differently? And deep down, had you done this prior to making the decision, you know that you would have done something differently, wouldn’t you?
The kilogram was redefined in 2019; no longer a platinum-based ingot stored in a safe in Paris, defined instead in terms of an electric current. This, I’m told, will make it a more accurate measurement and more reliable in a world which increasingly needs extreme precision.
I guess most of us will have assumed that a kilo is just that, a kilo. 1000 grams. 2.20462 lbs. 0.157473 stone. And, of course, it will continue to be just that. We’ll notice no change as we buy a kilo of rice, or stand on the bathroom scales (sorry, folks!), or worry about our packed suitcases before we check-in for a flight. So, on many levels, the changes will make no difference.
That said, underneath it all, the science, technology and engineering which need the precision to make our new, modern world go around will be more reliable using a measure which is as accurate as we can make it at this time. The experts have reviewed the models, weighed up the benefits, and made the changes. And this means a kilogram is still a kilogram, still recognisable as such. Just more reliable, more useful, and more effective. In one word, better. It’s all about being redefined, isn’t it?
It seems that llamas, yes, really, could hold the key to a universal vaccine against all strains of flu. OK, it’s early days yet and there appears to be real excitement in the scientific and medical communities about this potential breakthrough, with a flurry of articles on the subject. And given that globally over 600,000 people die each year as a result of complications from flu, as well as the millions around the world who become sick each year and all the associated costs of that, it will be something to celebrate if the research leads to the desired outcome, a universal vaccine.
And who thought of looking at llamas? Of all the animals, what was it about the llama that someone, somewhere, thought “Let’s see what the llama can offer in this field”? A real leap of faith. I’m no expert and I suspect that there was other information about the llama out there, and someone made a connection which led to all the excitement we are seeing today.
Our unconscious minds are full of all sorts of information, analysed, categorised and stored, and all done in ways which we are only beginning to understand. And if we trust our unconscious mind, really trust it to do what it does best, it can make so many connections for us and lead us to being better, to being more, to being differently. Allow yourself to remember and know all of the times that your unconscious mind pointed you in the right direction, and you know that you can do that whenever you want, don’t you?